A Transformers Christmas Carol
by Alexis Raphael
Summary: The classic Christmas tale reenacted by the Transformers-and "spiffed up" by them. Starring Thundercracker as Scrooge-the characters were cast randomly so expect at least a minor amount of strangeness in that respect.
1. The Ghost of Starscream

A Transformers Christmas Carol

Starring: Thundercracker as Scrooge

Written and directed by: Alexis Raphael

All characters were randomly selected by pulling names out of a fuzzy green hat

Based off the story by Charles Dickens

* * *

Starscream was dead. Of that there could be no dispute. The certificate had been signed by all necessary people so he was certifiably quite dead.

_Starscream: Hey! This isn't right! The first sentence is that I'm dead!_

_A.R.: So what? That's the part you were cast for, so suck it up loser—you're dead._

_Starscream: I'LL SHOW YOU DEAD!_

_A.R.: That null-ray doesn't scare me anymore Screamer; this time I have backup. Prime?"_

_Optimus Prime: Put the null-ray away, Starscream, and get back to your place. You're not due to make an appearance yet._

_Starscream: Fine. Whatever. Just point that gun somewhere else. Morons…._

Thundercracker knew he was dead. They had been partners for many, many years and he was Starscream's only friend—

_Thundercracker: That's debatable._

_A.R.: Shhh!_

-as well as his only mourner.

_Thundercracker: Not on your life!_

_A.R.: Can it!_

So blah, blah, blah, Starscream was dead and Thundercracker never bothered to take his name off their office door. On occasion, people who were new called him Starscream, but he didn't care; he answered to either name.

Thundercracker was a mean old miser who took delight in amassing all the money he could possibly get. Hard, shrewd, greedy, and, now that Starscream was dea—

_Starscream: WE GET IT ALREADY! I'M DEAD!_

_A.R.: You don't have to shout, I'm standing right here. Besides, it's I the story. Now, I want no more interruptions—this time I have a security team to quench rebellions._

He was a cold bot, colder than Pluto in the middle of winter. In the heat of the summer, the office needed no air conditioning because he brought his own cold snap with him wherever he went. Nobody spoke to him on the street; on the contrary, they shied away. This was just what he liked.

His paintjob was a cold blue, his voice deep and harsh, his optics redder than a new red corvette, and his thin lips were set in a permanent frown.

_Thundercracker: My lips are not thin!_

_A.R.: Look, I'm not getting into an argument about your lips. Let's just get on with the story._

One snowy Christmas Eve found Thundercracker in his office poring over some accounting books when he heard a cheery "Merry Christmas Uncle Thundercracker!" and his nephew Swindle walked in with a smile bigger than the Cheshire Cat's plastered over his face.

"Bah! Humbug!" snorted said uncle.

"Aw, C'mon! Hey, I've got a really good deal on—"

"Shut it! Besides, why are you so stinking happy?"

"Because it's Christmas! Why are you so sour? You're making lemons ashamed of themselves."

"Bah! Humbug!"

"That's the best comeback you got? I have a whole book of comebacks that I'll sell—"

"Don't even think it, Swindle! Besides, why should I be happy? Why, when I live surrounded by morons such as you should I smile? Why, when they all go around smiling and saying 'Merry Christmas' should I join them? Pah! They should all be sent to the smelting pits or dismantled for spare parts! And what's Christmas but a day when people want to skip work and feast?"

"But—"

"Shut up and leave me alone before I offline you right here!"

"Ok, but why don't you come to dinner tomorrow?"

"Get out."

"Merry Christmas!"

"Move it!"

"And a happy New Year!"

"OUT!"

Swindle left the room, still smiling cheerfully. As he left, two more bots came in.

"Merry Christmas, sir!" the red one said, "I'm Ironhide and this is my good pal Bonecrusher. Do I have the pleasure of addressing Starscream or Thundercracker?"

"Starscream croaked exactly seven years ago tonight. I'm Thundercracker. What do you want?"

"We're from the Salvation Army and we know you'd like to help the poor out at this time of year. How much should we put you down for?"

"Hold on a minute. Is Kaon still around?"

"Um—yes. As far as I know."

"Oh, that's a relief. I thought there for a moment that it had been bombed and there was nowhere to send those pathetic money-suckers of poor people."

"Er…" Ironhide and Bonecrusher exchanged puzzled looks.

"But many of the poor would rather die than go to Kaon." Bonecrusher said.

"Then they had better hurry up and do it already. The city is crowded enough with worthless poor bots."

Perplexed and feeling awkward, the pair left and Thundercracker smirked as he picked up his accounting book again.

Suddenly, he heard someone outside his door singing:

"_You got the touch!_

_You got the __power__—"_

_A.R.: Jazz! Wrong one! I said track two!_

_Jazz: Sorry Alexis. My bad._

"_God Bless ye merry gentlemen!_

_Let nothing you dismay—"_

The offending singer had no chance to go farther as Thundercracker let loose with his arm-cannon. The sound of someone scrambling away met his audios.

An hour later, he put away his work, locked the office up, and returned to the enormous mansion that he had shared with Starscream. Now, it's worthwhile to note here that Thundercracker had little in the way of imagination about him, being in all ways a practical and down to earth person. Just as he started to unlock his front door, he happened to glance at the door-knocker.

Instead of a regular door-knocker, he saw the face of Starscream, pale and glowing. He started and stared at it for a moment before reasoning that it was probably an elaborate practical joke. Nevertheless, wasted no time in getting into the house.

_Skywarp: Hey! Guys! I'm baaaaaaack!_

_A.R.: Oh, great. Look, Skywarp, could you be quiet? We're trying to do a story here._

_Skywarp: Why? By the way, I got that pizza you wanted; can I have some?!_

_A.R.: NO! Transformers don't eat pizza. This is __mine__!_

_Skywarp: Sheesh! What a miser. You're like Screamer in the energy-baths; 'Mine! All mine! You'll never see the inside of this energy-bath-room again!'_

_Starscream: I am not an energy-bath hog! You take that back! Or have a bit of null-ray!_

_A.R.: Gosh! Someone take those things away from Screamer! Skywarp, stop hiding behind Optimus Prime and go, I don't know, scrub the kitchen floor!_

_Skywarp: We have a kitchen here?_

_A.R.: Just go! And Screamer, get to your place; you're almost up._

Arriving at his personal suite—the only part of the house he really used himself—he checked to be sure everything was in order. It was, so he triple-locked the door and collapsed in a chair, shivering ever so slightly. Then, from downstairs, he heard the faint rattle of a chain being dragged across the floor. He figured it was probably his housekeeper, though what she would be doing with a chain was beyond him. He couldn't help but wonder what it must be doing to his linoleum. The sound came closer and closer until it was outside his bedroom. Then he gave a great start as a ghost passed right through the door—a shivery white translucent apparition it was (meaning the ghost; the door was still wood) and he instantly recognized it as his old business partner Starscream.

_Thundercracker: Cut! How could I recognize him f he's not colored?! Seekers all look alike except for the Coneheads!_

_A.R.: Shut up. It's my story and I'm doing things how I want to. You're recognizing Screamer whether you think you can or not; it's in the script. Now get back to your place before I call security on you._

He looked like he always had; the same old identical looks to Thundercracker but for the faint red and blue coloration he had.

_A.R.: There, happy T.C.? I added some color. Now shut up._

_Thundercracker: Now who's interrupting the story?_

_A.R.: It's my story and I can interrupt it any time I want to. You on the other hand can't._

A long chain was fastened around his middle, and it was comprised of cash registers, credit cards, calculators, state-of-the-art electronic locks, and several cluster-bombs. His head was tied up with a bandage under his chin and as Thundercracker looked at him, the ghost snapped, "Why are you staring at me?! I'm ordering you to stop right this instant!"

It was the same old screechy voice that Thundercracker had heard every day of his life that he had known Starscream. It still got on his nerves.

"Who are you?" he said coldly.

"You moron! We worked together for how long, and you can't recognize my ghost?! But ask me who I was!"

"Why should I? I don't really care."

"BECAUSE I SAID SO!"

"Alright already. Who were you?"

"While I was online I was your partner Lord Starscream."

"I didn't have a partner called Lord Starscream, but I did have a partner called stupid Screamer."

"You little—Ok, then, how would you like a free sample of null-ray?"

_A.R.: STARSCREAM! Put it down!_

_Starscream: No, I'm tired of being ordered around by a stupid fleshy; and having to work with all these brainless scrapheaps who do nothing but complain and yell! Prepare to meet your termination, fleshling!_

_A.R.: Security! Get this guy! He's going to shoot! And he called me a fleshy!_

_Wheelie: Alexis calls us, has she been hit by a bus?_

_Misfire: What? No, she's calling for security; let's go!_

_A.R.: Guys, you could hurry it up—PLEASE!_

_Wheelie: Alexis, never fear; Wheelie and Misfire are here. Starscream won't get you, OHMYGOSH!WHAT DO WE DO?_

_A.R.: Misfire! Stop shooting! You're hitting everything but Starscream! NO! Not my pizza! Somebody stop Screamer!_

_Skywarp: Hey, Alexis, I couldn't find the kitchen—Holy cow! What's with all the shooting?_

_A.R.: Skywarp now is a really bad time!_

_Skywarp: Oh, is Screamer being a jerk? I'll stop him._

_Starscream: Skywarp! Get off me! Where'd you come from anyhow?_

_Skywarp: I got him, now what do I do?_

_A.R.: Security! Apprehend this criminal! Everyone else, clean up this mess. Skywarp, go out and get me another pizza—this one's coming out of your pocket, Screamer._

_Starscream: I don't even have pockets…._

_A.R.: I'm awfully sorry, but there's going to have to be an intermission while I try to straighten this mess out. Working with these guys is like trying to herd cats; they just don't listen. I'm now regretting that I picked my security team by pulling names out of a hat, but Wheelie and Misfire aren't really bad guys—just not the best security team. Again, I apologize for the inconvenience._

_Skywarp: Hey, Alexis, you want anchovies on that?_

_A.R.: NO! Anything but anchovies. I have to go babysit these big oafs right now, but drop me a review; I like to have something to read while I sit in my nice, comfy director's chair. Until next time!_


	2. The Ghost of Christmas Past

_A.R: Welcome back for act 2! Starscream's mess has been cleaned up and I have assurance that he won't be a problem for the rest of the story. By the way, merry Christmas and happy new year to you, too, HeroOfAkatosh, and yes, these guys are g1. Enjoy the story everyone!_

"Will you sit down?" asked Thundercracker, eyeing the ghost and wondering whether or not it could sit.

Starscream plopped down comfortably in a seat by the fire and Thundercracker followed his example. That is, he almost did; he missed the chair and landed hard on the wooden floor. To his chagrin, Starscream burst out laughing heartily at him and said between gasps, "I bet that leaves a dent! That's one good thing about being a ghost: You can just go through the floor. How do you even do that? I knew you were stupid and clumsy, but how can you actually miss a chair?!"

Thundercracker scowled at his dead business partner as he maneuvered himself onto the chair.

"What did you come here for?" he asked.

"To warn you." The ghost sobered up a bit, though it still smirked.

"Warn me of what? Since when did you ever care what happened to me?"

"Since that idiot _Alexis_ put me in these chains, confiscated my null-rays, and threatened to set the DJD on me if I didn't conform to her rules. Believe me, I don't like this stupidity any more than you do."

_A.R.: Stick to the script, guys._

_Thundercracker: Whatever. What was my next line?_

"Well, what is it you wanted to warn me of?" Thundercracker was becoming impatient; after all, it's not every day (or night) that a person is visited by their deceased business partner, and Thundercracker was finding that Starscream was quite creepy as a ghost. He wished he would go away.

"You see this chain?" Starscream said, "I forged it piece by piece while I was alive and I wear it now that I'm dead. Note the intricacy of the thing; all the symbols of the money that I squeezed out of people—I recall one day when I had nearly ten thousand dollars in that one cash register—and look! There's that cluster bomb I used on that old geezer who wouldn't pay up! Boy, those were the good old days! When we hadn't a care in the world but who we were going to bleed dry next! I wonder how many people we sent to live on the streets, broke and starving. Yes, if only I were alive right now-"

"Starscream! You didn't come here just to gloat about what you did while you were alive, so fess up now or I'll throw you out!"

"You couldn't do that! I'm a ghost: you can't touch me. But as for my reason...Dang it! What was it?"

_A.R.: A warning..._

_Starscream: Oh, right._

"I came here to warn you that you're forging a chain like mine, which you'll be forced to wear for forever and ever and ever! At the time of my tragic and untimely demise, your chain was just as long as mine, and you've been adding to it since. So, being the good, concerned friend that I am, I've been by your side every day though you never knew it and here I am now with your warning."

"WHAT?!"

_A.R.: Don't shout, Thundercracker._

_Thundercracker: That jerk has been stalking me for years! I've been being stalked by a ghost!_

_A.R.: And? You got a problem?_

_Thundercracker: Darned right I have a problem! That's creepy! I hate that guy forever!_

_Starscream: Loser._

"What's the warning already? I'm tired of all your stupid chit-chat."

"All my stupid—Why you little—er, the warning is this:-"

_Skywarp: Hey, hey, hey, just guess who's back!_

_A.R.: Wonderful. Just wonderful. Look, Skywarp? I thought I told you last time not to interrupt the story._

_Skywarp: Why? I got that pizza you ordered and charged it to Screamer like you said. That guy's got more money than Bill Fences._

_A.R.: Gates. It's Gates. What's on it? There had better not be any anchovies._

_Skywarp: No, no. Not a trace of one. Just pepperoni, cheese, mushrooms, sausage, onions, and lots and lots of peppers._

_A.R.: ...Wow. You actually did something right for a change. I'm amazed. Now shut up._

"If you continue to go on the way you have been, you're gonna end up like me; having to drag this chain around for the rest of eternity. But you have an option. Tonight there'll be a spirit who'll be the first of three. They're going to set you straight if you'll listen."

"But what about you? Did you get the same chance?"

"Pfft! Who cares if I did or didn't. I'd-"

"_-Rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints:_

_The sinners are much more fun!"_

_A.R.: Jazz, I didn't ask for a song!_

_Jazz: Well, the situation called for one. It fit._

_A.R.: You've got a point there..._

"So, what you're gonna do is what these guys tell you to and then I won't be tortured with your presence in the afterlife."

"Um..."

"That's all. See ya later after you fail sucker."

With that, the ghost disappeared and Thundercracker was left staring at the empty chair.

"That was...interesting."

The bell tolled out that it was after midnight and Thundercracker jumped. It was long past bed-time, so he tiredly crawled into his large, curtained bed and hid under the covers, hoping that it had all been a hallucination.

_A.R.: SKYWARP! What else did you put on this pizza?!_

_Skywarp: You said you didn't care what I had them put on it._

_A.R.: What was it?!_

_Skywarp: Only a couple of those peppers called jalapenos. Well, more than a couple. A lot, actually. Under the cheese. And in the crust. And over the top._

_A.R.: You moron! Go out and get another one, this time with only cheese. Screamer's still paying._

_Starscream: What is this? Are you trying to run me out of money?_

_Optimus Prime: Shouldn't we get on with the story?_

_A.R.: Right._

Thundercracker came out of a doze with a start. Something was moving about in his room. He bit back a yell when he saw a glowing white hand pulling the curtain of his bed aside.

"W-who's there?" he asked trembling, and the thing yanked the curtain aside. There stood a shining yellow bot who said, "Primus calls you, Thundercracker, to come and repent your ways tonight! To revisit your life of yore and recall that which was forgotten and become purified to the will of Primus!"

"..."

"What? Are you denying the will of Primus?"

"Who are you? What are you doing in my bedroom?"

"I am Sunstorm, herald of Primus and my duty it is to-"

_A.R.: Dude, you're the ghost of Christmas past for the moment. Read the script._

_Sunstorm: How? Every time I touch the paper it fries._

_A.R.: Well, read it at a distance and don't get too close to anything-or anyone._

"I am the ghost of Christmas Past! Sent by Primus to-"

"Whose past? Could you be a little clearer on that?"

"Your past."

"Kay...what are you doing here?"

"Come with me and you shall discover what Primus has in store for you." Sunstorm gripped Thundercracker's arm and started to pull him out of the bed.

_Thundercracker: OW! Get away! Don't touch me, you radioactive moron!_

_Sunstorm: Oops. Sorry._

Thundercracker crawled slowly out of the warm covers and stood shivering on the chilly wooden floor.

"This had better be good." he said as the ghost led him towards the window.

"Hold on," he said when the ghost showed no signs of stopping as they neared the window, "You're not going to throw me out are you?"

"That is not the will of Primus yet. I am taking you back in time to when you were a sparkling, for that is the will of Primus at the moment. But don't even think of blasphemy, or then I'll give you a nice, big hug and watch you fry."

As Sunstorm spoke, they passed right through the wall and Thundercracker found himself in a familiar town.

"What-this is where I grew up! How did we get here?" Thundercracker looked about him, then back at the ghost.

"We are viewing the past via the power of Primus! Is it not wonderful?!"

"Oh. I thought it might be holovision."

"That's another word for it. But look here: at the school."

They stood in front of the old school and when they peered in the window, they saw a sole sparkling, neglected by all his 'friends' and reading a datapad.

"All alone, isn't he?" said Sunstorm.

Thundercracker scowled.

"Whatever. I must admit, though, I was a handsome sparkling."

"Primus commands us to view another Christmas," said Sunstorm, and as he spoke, Thundercracker's former self grew larger and the room deteriorated.

The former Thundercracker paced up and down the room despairingly when a young femme burst through the door and embraced him joyfully—

_Firestar: Primus! I am so not going to touch that Decepticon!_

_Thundercracker: I'm not touching that Autobot femme either._

_A.R.: But Firestar, you're his sister here; it's in the script. Thundercracker, you're her brother. Deal with it._

_Firestar: Apparently you didn't understand me the first time: I'm not going to hug Thundercracker. End of story. Not happening._

_A.R.: You should be thankful. The original story says that Scrooge's sister kisses him._

_Firestar: I'm NOT kissing that creep! I'm not touching him! I'd sooner draw lips on Optimus Prime's faceplate than touch Thundercracker!_

_Optimus Prime: Nobody is going to draw anything on my faceplate._

_A.R.: Look, we're never going to get through this story if all of you keep interrupting with stupid complaints and comments. Firestar, give Thundercracker a hug. I'll let you off with one. Thundercracker, don't hit her. Now let's get on with it._

_Firestar: This is gross._

_Thundercracker: The feeling is mutual. _

"Dear brother!" little Firestar said, looking up lovingly at him, "I've come to bring you home! Father is far nicer than he used to be, and one day he spoke so nicely to me that I wasn't afraid to ask him if you could come home. And guess what he said! He said yes, and set me here in a coach to fetch you! And you're not coming back here, but first you're going to go home and spend Christmas with us! So come on and let's get moving!"

Firestar led Thundercracker towards the door and he followed happily.

"Firestar was quite a femme, though she was so delicate. Primus gifted her with a large Spark." Sunstorm said.

"Certainly." Replied Thundercracker.

"She met with Primus as a full-grown femme, and had sparklings, as I recall."

"One."

"Oh, that's right. Your nephew Swindle."

"Jerk."

_A.R.: Thundercracker!_

_Thundercracker: He's a moron. What am I supposed to say about Swindle?_

_A.R.: The script. Read it._

"Yes." Thundercracker seemed uneasy in his mind.

The scene changed again and this time they stood before a warehouse door.

"This is where I was apprenticed!" Thundercracker exclaimed excitedly.

Inside, they saw an older bot who Thundercracker instantly identified as his master Ramjet.

Ramjet looked up at the clock and called out, "Hello, Thundercracker, Frenzy! Come and put the shutters up! No more work today!"

Thundercracker, now a young mech, entered accompanied by his fellow apprentice.

"Why it's Frenzy!" cried Thundercracker, grinning, "He was quite attached to me!"

The pair had the shutters up in a jiffy, and at Ramjet's request started clearing away the furniture and things in the room.

A fiddler came in with his music book and took his stand on a lofty desk. He was followed by Mixmaster, Ramjet's smiling wife—

_Mixmaster: WHAT?!_

_Ramjet: EEEEEEWWWWWW!_

_A.R.: What?_

_Mixmaster: I have to play a femme?!_

_Ramjet: And I have to be married to him?!_

_A.R.: The magic fuzzy green hat has decreed it. Now shut up._

_Mixmaster: I'm not dancing with that creep._

And a host of others. The music started and everyone started dancing except for Ramjet and Mixmaster, who wrestled on the sidelines.

When the ball finally broke up, (and Ramjet cowered before Devastator) Thundercracker and Frenzy retired to their beds, praising Ramjet for his kindness.

"A silly thing to make these people so full of gratitude." Said Sunstorm.

"Most certainly. He was a fool." Thundercracker said, though in his spark he felt differently.

Thundercracker suddenly found himself looking at himself again, but this time he was older, in the prime of his life. There was a certain restless greed in his optics and by his side sat a beautiful femme.

_Thundercracker: WHAT THE HECK?!_

_A.R.: What is it now?_

_Ultra Magnus: You cast me as—WHO?_

_A.R.: Oh, swell. Another rebellion. Why can't you guys just accept your parts and do what I tell you? Just read the script Maggie._

_Ultra Magnus: Never call me Maggie ever again. I will not stand for this!_

_Thundercracker: I'm not engaged to that cretin! I am so not going to act like I am!_

_Ultra Magnus: And I'm not only not going to play the part of a femme, I'm sure as heck not going to be Thundercracker's fiancée!_

_A.R.: Guys, guys, cool your circuits already. It's not the end of the world._

_Dirge: But it is!_

_A.R.: Shut up. Prime, tell them to get back to their places, would you?_

_Optimus Prime: I don't know, Alexis, they might have a point there. I'm not sure that they can act believably as a couple._

_A.R.: You're not helping. Ok, Thundercracker and Ultra Magnus, here's the deal: You do this for me and I promise to keep Skywarp from pestering you for the rest of the evening. How's that? _

_Ultra Magnus: No Skywarp? Hmmm-Deal._

_Thundercracker: Ok, but I'm not touching Ultra Magnus, and he doesn't get a ring._

_A.R.: Thank you both. Can we get on with the story now?_

"You've changed," remarked Ultra Magnus, "You have one passion now; greed. All your nobler aspirations have worn off, I have observed of late, and all you occupy yourself with is a quest for wealth. It has displaced me."

"Huh? Of course not! I've grown wiser, yes, but my feelings toward you aren't changed."

"Our contract is an old one: it was made when we both were poor and gratified to be so until we could, by patient industry improve our worldly standing. You now care nothing for anything that isn't money or worth a great deal thereof. When it was made, you were a different bot."

"What?"

"I said—"

"No, when what was made?"

"Our contract."

"What contract?"

"The engagement."

"Oh, that. Well, I was little more than a sparkling at the time."

"You don't care about me anymore. I can tell. When's the last time you took me out to dinner?"

"Last week."

"And you made me pay! You even made me walk home all by myself! You're not the same bot who gave me this beautiful invisible ring. If then were now, would you seek me out and try to win me?"

"But of course I would! Just because I let you pay for your own stinking energon the other day you now think I hate you! What is this?"

"Would you shut up about that stupid dinner? I think if you were free and choosing another femme, you would never pick a dowerless one; you weigh everything by gain now. Every time I call you, you put me on hold because you say you have an important customer; you look over accounting books while I'm trying to talk to you; you get the energon goodies from the dollar store; you give me bouquets of dandelions and weeds instead of roses; You got me presents from the second-hand shop. Why should I think otherwise than that you're turning into a miser?"

"I'm just a little tight on money at the moment!"

"I checked your bank account. You have almost a million dollars in there."

"You can access my bank account…?"

"That's irrelevant to the current topic of conversation. The point is that you're a jerk and I don't need to put up with this kind of abuse."

"How did you figure out how to access my account? I thought I had the maximum security possible protecting it!"

"Thundercracker! I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you and you're not paying attention! Just shut up about your stupid bank account and listen!"

"But I want to know just how in the heck you figured out all my information!"

"Look, maybe you shouldn't let your partner doodle all over your back. Now listen to me!"

"Starscream wrote my password on my back?! I'm going to kill him! That Unicron-spawned piece of scrap metal! Is it still there?"

"I've had enough of this! Marry your stupid checkbook already; I'm through!"

Ultra Magnus pulled off the invisible ring and flung it violently at Thundercracker's head before stomping off.

"Spirit, show me no more!" Thundercracker turned away from his former self, who was rubbing his helm and staring dumbfounded after Ultra Magnus.

"One more. Primus commands it." Said Sunstorm.

"None more!" cried Thundercracker, "I don't want to see it!"

But the ghost advanced towards him until he gave in and the scene changed to a living room with a femme in it so like the last that he thought it was her when he spotted the real Ultra Magnus on the other side of the room from her daughter.

A mech entered and sat down beside his wife.

"Ultra Magnus," he said with a smile, "I saw an old friend of yours today. Guess who it was."

"I don't know. Thundercracker?"

"Right. He was in his office with the shutters open; one could hardly help seeing him. His partner lies on the brink of termination, I hear and I do believe that he's quite alone in the world now."

"Good. They're both jerks. Especially Thundercracker."

"Show me no more!" said Thundercracker, looking at the spirit and raising his arm-gun slightly.

"Primus has not commanded it yet. I will not—"

"_Chew on this!" _Thundercracker let some cluster-bombs loose on the ghost and opened fire with his arm-cannons. There was a really bright flash of light, what sounded like Sunstorm swearing, and a moment later, the blue Seeker found himself back in his own bed-the sheets were even still warm. With a sigh, he snuggled back into them and drifted off to sleep.


End file.
